Caiobella27 is one of these people. She just knows how to use her words. I can’t count how many times, as I was reading Living Backwards, I squealed with delight over the use of an otherwise ordinary word in some clever fashion. It’s a bonus to an already delightful story.

Living Backwards takes an overdone fanfic premise – Bella goes back in time to the mousy, shy 17 year old she was in High School – and crafts it into a truly unique story.

We are introduced, at first, to a 27 year old Bella checking out her old classmates on Facebook. She is successful, self-assured, and, with the help of her friends Alice, Rosalie and Joan (who’s a sparkly flask), she’s a little more spontaneous and adventurous than her 17 year old self.

Alice’s choice in too-tight jeans + Bella’s natural ability to fall and hit her head have Bella waking up in her old bedroom, with Korn in her CD player. Ah, those were the days.

Caiobella27 expertly tiptoes around all the standard cliches. Bella has no clear course, no spirit guide or any intent in mind when she lands back in her past. She hadn’t missed her chance at love, with Edward or anyone else, she had no major wrong to make right. She gets a do-over with no clue as to what she’s supposed to be doing over. Bella is left to her own devices. She draws herself her own set of rules based on movies she’s seen and sets about to right a couple of relatively minor wrongs in her best friend’s lives.

The problem, of course, arrives in an Edward shaped package. The problem is this: 27 year old Bella’s personality meshes pretty damn well with 18 year old Edward’s, something that didn’t happen the first time around.

Watching these two kids fall for each other is an incredible treat. Edward’s tough guy attitude bounces right off of Bella, who isn’t about to take any nonsense from the likes of an arrogant teenager. The result is a camaraderie built of grudging respect and saucy banter that leads them, both kicking and screaming, to an all consuming adoration for each other. The weight of their mutual undoing is made all the worse because we know what Bella knows: as far as Edward’s Facebook image could tell her, he had been happy in his 28 year old life. Falling for her has every chance of messing up what was a pretty good future for him.

The characterizations in this story are wonderful. Bella is confident and quirky, though not in an overdone kind of way. I can easily see that 17 year old Bella we’re used to becoming this incarnation of herself, if she had been allowed to blossom in college instead of marrying her immortal love at 18. Though he exudes a bad boy presence, Living Backward’s Edward is also the loyal, selfless and cocky Edward we all know and love. He still over thinks things, but his thoughts include a few well placed “fucks” where Twilight’s Edward’s words flowed with a little more elegance.

As an added bonus, we do get to see their normal roles flipped – for good reason. For once, it’s Bella making decisions for both of them, thinking she knows better. I like that kind of thing – the shoe being on the other foot. Just one of the many perks of Living Backwards.

All in all, this fanfic is simply a pleasure to read. In Bella and Edward’s banter and Bella’s (mostly) internal monologue of life in 1999 (when she knows what’s happening in 2009), you find laugh-out-loud humor. In Bella’s struggle not to tempt fate or fracture the time-space continuum, you get an intriguing and well-done plot line that will keep you guessing. And, of course, the icing on the cake – the witty wielding of words just adds to the overall enjoyment of the read. This is definitely a fic you want to keep up with.

Living Backwards Links:

Our favorite Living Backwards Quotes

Living Backwards on Fanfiction.net

Living Backwards on Twilighted.net

Ciaobella27 on Fanfiction.net

Ciaobella27′s Twitter

But I digress.

My frequent question when people post the intervention scenario to me is simple: How is it hurting me to love something so much? Aside from the the gentle hints that someone might kill me out of annoyance, they can’t think of anything. Up until recently, I couldn’t either.  Sure, I joke that I’m going to marry Rob someday, but let’s be honest – how many of us don’t?

However, that all changed when I got into fanfiction.

For some reason, fanfic influences me more than the books (and movies, for that matter) ever could. For instance, I already swear constantly but after I read Wide Awake, even my best friends noticed a definite upgrade in my number of curse words per sentence ratio. And don’t even talk to them about after I read Mr. Horrible because I still haven’t stopped saying totes and fuckawesome.

These word habits don’t bother me…it’s my brand new addiction to ice cream that does.

Three words – Mission to Marzipan.

What it comes down to is this – I was in love with Baby Swan, and Baby Swan loves her some Mission to Marzipan. When I first read Mr. Horrible, I had no clue wtf Marzipan even was. But just like Baby Swan’s rather unique style of speaking, the term stuck in my head.

I tried distracting myself, but suddenly my delicious flavors of yogurt just didn’t cut it. I wanted to try. And try I did.

Now I can’t stop craving it. It’s totes amazing ice cream. Like, gah. Marzipan swirls, which wikipedia tells me is “a confection consisting primarily of sugar and almond meal,” and this soft, delicious almond cookie thing mixed in a cream ice cream? They may as well rename it heaven on a flipping spoon.

You know – come to think about it, Baby Swan is just a bad influence. I am WAY too curious about Tuna Noodle Casseroles now as well. Pah.

Then I started reading this fic called Emancipation Proclamation. We will talk, later, about the amazingness that is EP and Mafia Princeward, but for now, let’s talk about the little vice that our foul mouthed, Italian talking Mafia Prince Edward introduces us to.

Toblerone.

Now, I should mention that I don’t like chocolate (yea, yea, I know, Unamerican, inhuman, bla bla bla). Still, I was curious. I had actually heard of Toblerone for the first time about a month prior when I was reading an article about the most brilliant hidden signs in advertising. If you look closely at the Toblerone logo, there’s a bear standing in the mountain. Clever, eh?

Anyway, with that and with MPW’s and Consigliere Carlisle’s love of the chocolate it got into my head. So I found myself at Target one day and I notice the Toblerone amidst the impulse purchases. And I purchased it…impulsively. I got outside, ripped off the packaging and bit into a triangle.

Honey. Crunchy. Smooth chocolate. For a moment, it was everything that was delicious in this world. Then the chocolate overpowered the honey and crunchy stuff and I didn’t like it. I gave it to my brother who said it was pretty darn tasty.

But I’ll be damned if I didn’t start craving it again a few days later. Yet another semi-addiction I could have done without. Seriously – can you fanfic authors not make your characters love something non-fattening? I mean, it seems like the least you can do if you’re going to get something stuck in my head that won’t leave until I eat it. :-p

First, let’s talk humor. Mr. Horrible is one of the few humor fics where, when I type that I am LOLing and ROTFLing, I’m not exaggerating.  I have learned the hard way not to drink anything while reading this fic – it was a bitch to clean all that tea out of my keyboard.

Humorfic that is not crackfic (crackfic being fic that is on crack – you know, the stuff you and your friends come up with after giggling over Twilight and drinking one too many tequila shots), is a rarity in the fanfic world. Mr. Horrible picks you up from minute one and never lets up. It’s like a fricken tickle attack, I swear.

Let me introduce you to Baby Swan and Rich Kid. The Edward and Bella Algonquinrt has created are completely, wonderfully quirky. I fell in love with her Bella about a quarter of the way through the first chapter and completely head over heels for her Edward by the second chapter. They’re both extraordinarily sweet, clever kids, each with their own special brand of fuck-upedness.

While the humor is amazing, the actual storyline – Bella and Edward’s meeting to the happily ever after (omg, we better be getting a HEA!) – is beyond sweet. Put it to you this way. Eclipse was my favorite in the Twilight series for many reasons but one of them being that Edward and Bella were finally figuring out how to be a couple. I mean, Twilight was all about the discovery – the honeymoon period if you will. New Moon some fucknugget decided to up and leave and shatter the crap out of both of them, but in Eclipse they finally got their act together.

Just like Stephenie’s Edward and Bella, Baby Swan and Rich Kid are complete strangers to relationships. Watching them learn and grow together is beautiful- and hysterical, but mostly beautiful. They make mistakes, just like Edward and Bella did, but they always end up on the same page.

Plus, Mr. Horrible contains a description of Edward that is so fucking spot on, regardless of whether we’re talking about Twilight’s Edward or Rich Kid:

Edward looks up at me, his eyes beseeching. They tell me that he’s sorry. That he knew better. That he won’t do it again. I know he’s full of shit, because he’s absolutely going to do it again. He has the right motivation for his actions, but his implementation is eight shades of asstard.

Now let’s talk about the supporting characters. Algonquinrt has managed to mix in most of the usual suspects – but how! ::whistles::

Abandoned by her own parents, Bella spent a number of her teenage years living with the McCarty family. This includes Emmett, a conspiracy theorist, and James, a drag queen whose drag name is Victoria Secretion. Yep. James is both James AND Victoria for the purposes of this fic and it’s amazing. As brother figures, Emmett and James are the perfect mixture of comfort an acceptance (Emmett) and total fuckwit assholeishness (James). I have to say, I adore big brother Emmett. Especially this one who interrupts the regularly scheduled Bella/Edward soap opera to tell us about how the government is tracking us through our fish.  Then, of course, is James in drag – which, besides leading to some of the drama in the story (naturally) – also lends towards a few spectacular fic situations. For instance, without this little plot gem, we would not get to see Emmett introduce himself to Rosalie (Edward’s sister for the purposes of this fic), by thinking she’s one of the drag queens.

Then there’s Jasper Whitlock, Edward’s best friend and CFO of the profitable internet company Edward is CEO of. I do love me some best friend Jasper. He always has a way of summing up the situation and giving one or both of our main characters the swift, but loving, kick in the ass they often need with a light sprinkling of that lovely southern drawl.

Rounding out the character list is a dash of Alice, the situational wise-cracking butler Laurent, society marm Esme, “Fuckhot Geezer” Carlisle, bitch sis Rosalie and, hands down, the best original character – Granny Platt, Esme’s consistently drunk, mean and yet amazing mother.

You have the hilarity, both verbal and situational, in every chapter. You have the sweetness of Edward and Bella’s relationship. You have a few fuckhot sex scenes. You have heartfail for you angst lovers that gets resolved fairly quickly. You have characters who you will fall in love with and wish you could have in your contact list so you could talk to them whenever you want. What’s not to love?

Oh, fair warning though. After reading this fic you WILL find yourself with a new vocabulary. For me it’s “totes”. I only warn you because it seems to drive my friends and family up the wall. Observe fellow webmaster Mikey’s irritation -

Mikey: Oh my god, if you don’t stop saying totes….

Me: What are you gonna do about it?

Mikey: I’m implementing a swear jar, except it’ll be a totes jar. Every time you say that annoying word it’ll cost you a dollar.

Me: You know that only works if someone agrees to it and I’m totes addicted.

Mikey: AGHHHH.

Me: See?

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s well worth the price of your friend’s sanity though.

Helpful Mr. Horrible links

Mr. Horrible Quotes – My favorite quotes from Mr. Horrible, updated as it updates.

Mr. Horrible on Fanfiction.net

Mr. Horrible FAQ

Algonquinrt’s Twitter

Algonquinrt’s LiveJournal

Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about The Office.

Now, I am no stranger to fanfiction and I am no stranger to smut. More straight out porn has graced my computer screen than the average 16 year old boy, I guarantee you. And we’re not talking about the vanilla shit either. I mean, my tastes are diverse.

I tell you this because I want you to understand the depth of what I mean when I say The Office contains, hands down, the HOTTEST sex I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Just like – good lord, feel it in your core, feel it in your panties hotness.

One of the things I loved about reading Twilight was how every sensual touch between Edward and Bella was so titillating. When he stroked her cheek for the first time, it felt just as intimate as reading a couple’s first lovemaking.  The Office perfectly replicates that intensity … except with a fire that will run straight down your spine. What I mean is – if sex is hot, sex in the Office is probably the equivalent of jumping into the sun.

When it’s going supernova.

The Edward and Bella we first meet hate each other. I mean, really, really hate each other. Edward is a high ranking executive in the office. Bella is his assistant. They’re both stubborn people, and they are both very, very angry.  Chapter 1 takes place 9 months into their association. Tby789 doesn’t waste any time. She plunges us into (hehe) their first “encounter” right away.

At first, the physical relationship between Edward and Bella is a full on battle. Here are two otherwise rational people who have lost the fight against the intense magnetism they feel for each other. This kind of sex is what’s meant by ANGRY sex. Their first encounters are rife with the hatred they feel for each other. It’s a battle of dominance – each trying to assert their power over the infuriating other only to find themselves coming up equals; giving as good as they are getting. And it’s fucking sexy as hell.

Yet, as the story progresses and their hatred slowly changes to love – the total opposite extreme version of love – the sex loses none of its heat. Instead of trying to dominate they are consuming each other. Their filthy, borderline degrading mouths turn into endearments and…French, in Edward’s case. And yet The Office is never corny. Instead their words and their actions always express passion. It is beautiful to watch.

And have I mentioned – hot. ::fans self::

Now, let’s give credit where credit is due. I think I’m making it sound like The Office is no more than gratuitous porn. Hot gratuitous porn but gratuitous porn non-the-less. This is an insane disservice to this fic.

The story line in and of itself is wonderful, and very excellently executed. You come to understand exactly why Edward and Bella feel the way they do about each other in the beginning. Tby789 takes her time in unraveling their first impressions of each other and guiding them towards their happily ever after.

Along the line she brings us wonderful side characters. Previous to the time period of the fic, Bella knew the Cullens (Carlisle, Esme and Emmett) for years while Edward was away in Paris. All of the Cullens know her and love her – and give Edward no small amount of crap about the way he treats her. It’s great to watch.

Add to this a few garnishes – Bella’s love of power panties (and Edward’s entirely erotic love of ripping them off of her), a guest starring spot for Mike Newton (who Tby789 makes a nice guy – always nice to see), Edward’s caveman side and, last but certainly not least, Edward’s completely adorable relationship with his niece (Emmett and Rosalie’s daughter) Carrington – and you have an incredible story.

There is literally no part of this story that isn’t enjoyable and incredible. You’ll laugh, your heart will sing and your panties will be wet. What’s not to love?

The Office Links:

The Office quotes – not finished at the moment, and will be updated as The Office is updated.

The Office on Fanfiction.net

The Office on Twilighted.net

Overtime at the Office – The Office outtakes

The Office Blog – In case you’re curious what all this underwear that gets destroyed looked like, you’ll find it here.

Tby789′s Twitter – An excellent follow as she links the most sensual pics like…ever.

Like Stephenie Meyer’s Bella, VJGM always crafts Bellas who are unaware of their own strength. Trust in Advertising finds a Bella who loved Edward from a distance throughout High School. The story takes place when both Bella and Edward are 28. Bella’s father has just died and, though devastated, she can finally live her life. She ends up working for Edward who has fallen from the cocky, smiling boy he once was to a bitter kind of bastard of a man.

Alright, while we’re on the topic of strong women, let’s jump ship to Trust in Advertising’s Rosalie. I’ve never understood the trend in fanfic to make Rosalie and Bella best friends. In Twilight Rosalie and Bella are only barely friends towards the end, so I never understood how Rosalie always comes out, well, not being a bitch.

But Trust In Advertising interprets Rosalie’s character perfectly. We’ve talked about this before with Wide Awake – about which of the characters personality traits are nature vs. nurture. Rosalie from Twilight is vain because her parents brought her up that way. She dislikes Bella out of jealousy and fear for her family. This is all situational. Rosalie at her core is both extremely self assured, strong and loyal to and protective of those she loves. Sound like someone we know? Right, her core traits are just like Bella, except minus the self assured in Bella’s case. So, meeting first, as they do prior to this fic beginning, and having the common bond of losing both parents, it’s easy to see why Bella and Rosalie would be friends.

Rosalie is one of the high points of this fic. She’s the owner of a body shop and takes no nonsense from anyone. She’s just hysterical with her one liners.

Her equal, and the other half of the secondary relationship we get to see grow during the course of the fic, is Emmett, playing the role of Edward’s best friend. Just like Rosalie has absolutely no self esteem problems, he’s sexy, he’s successful and he honestly gets the best lines. As a friend to both Edward and Bella he is a rock – the very definition of the big brother ready to kick ass when he needs to.

Alright, onto the main duo. Edward and Bella are amazing in this fic. I’ve said it before but I am a sucker for good banter and these two have it in spades. Bella’s initial texts with her new boss Edward literally had me in stitches. Whether they’re bickering or teasing the interaction between these two is simply wonderful to read. As an added bonus you literally get to see them change each other throughout the fic. Bella brings Edward out of his distrusting shell and lets him laugh. Edward lifts her up and lets her see the strong woman she is.

Watching Bella see Edward in a different light from a High School crush and fall in love with him all over again is wonderful. VJGM is very honest to that giddiness and ridiculousness of school girl crushes. For instance, when Edward dances with Bella for the first time we are allowed to see Bella’s wistful reaction. Yet Bella is far from oblivious to the faults in the man Edward has become. He’s difficult. She knows it and she can handle it…on most days.

The villain of this treat of fanfiction is the love-to-hate kind. Edward’s supermodel girlfriend Jane. Like – ick. Watching Bella and Jane verbally spar was the cause of a great deal of cackling on my end. I spent the fic just knowing I’d get the extreme pleasure of watching Jane go down in flames.

As an added bonus we have a Jasper who doesn’t say much, but when he does it is always poignant, beautiful and an eye to the very soul of the situation, an Esme who’s as tough as nails as both mother and boss, cameos and guest spots by some of Twilight’s Elite (Carlisle, Alice, Leah, Felix, Jacob, Nessie, Paul, Tanya, Emily, Mike) and the VJGM guarantee of a happily ever after.

Seriously folks, if you aren’t familiar with this particular author’s stories, you should be. They’re a fun read with a touch of heart and soul behind them.

Trust in Advertising is done save for an epilogue that VJGM has promised for Wednesday, 9-9-09.

Trust in Advertising Helpful Links:

Trust in Advertising Quotes – My favorite quotes from the story.

Trust in Advertising at Twilighted.net

Trust in Advertising Crackfic Contest – Crackfic revolving around the characters and situations in Trust in Advertising. Remember to set it to M-rated stories as well.

VJGM’s Author Profile at Twilighted.net

VJGM’s Twitter

Wide Awake is one of those very few fanfics that could realistically be its own book – it’s that level of good. And yet, it is the best type of fanfic because it is AMAZINGLY in character. How it straddles the two, especially being an all human fic, is beyond me, but I fricken loved every minute of the journey.

Just how could an all human fic be in character? Well, let’s start with Edward.

Oh. My. God. Dark Edward is amazing. Imagine what parts of Twilight Edward are actually his personality versus what was instilled in him from the time period he was born in and the way he grew up. What if the Edward we know and love was born in modern times and was a real 17 year old boy at the time Bella met him. Further, what if he was a 17 year old boy who had known abandonment, abuse and death?  He’s still Edward. He’s still an arrogant little know-it-all. He’s still good at his very core. He’s still loyal to those who deserve his loyalty. He’s still capable of the most profound love.

And good lord the boy has a mouth that would make me blush, and believe me when I say that sailors have nothing on me.

Hot.

And not only Edward but Bella, Alice, Esme, Carlisle – everyone is completely who they really are. Stephenie Meyer’s creations are still very much present in all of the characters, but AngstGoddess003 has also made them her own. It is the very essence of art inspiring art, and it’s fucking beautiful.

The Twilight elements throughout the story make an excellent homage. For instance, you still have that element of Edward thinking he’s a monster, albeit a very different type of monster, to the point where you even get the “this is the skin of a killer” moment. Instead of – practical, I suppose, Edward and Bella’s issues are all realistically psychological. They are both very broken, but very beautiful people.

In addition to the theme of Twilight elements (again, realistically crafted into the storyline without being even remotely cheesy), Wide Awake has the added charm of being utterly HYSTERICAL, achingly sweet and heartwrenchingly angsty. Just like with Twilight, my reactions to this story were audible. Squealing, sighing and literally falling off the bed with every chapter – I found this story impossible to “put down”. I had to read all 28 chapters (at that time) before I could even think about sleeping. And then, the next day, I did it again.

And then are AngstGoddess003′s recurring themes. The cookies. Tit for tat. Just read it – and you’ll understand.

And let us not forget the additional story arcs. Besides Edward and Bella’s story, you also find yourself caught up in their whole world. You get caught up in the additional relationships. Edward and Carlisle’s relationship is particularly gut wrenching. Throughout the fic you get to watch all the relationships grow and evolve, fall apart and mend. Carlisle and Esme. Alice and Jasper. Bella, Bella and practically every character. None of these characters, even poor, suffering Newton and bitchy Jessica Stanley, is left in 2-dimensions. All of them are very real, and very 2009.

As an added bonus, Wide Awake is one of the few amazing fanfics out there that is actually finished, although AngstGoddess003 has promised an epilogue.

Really, there’s too much wonderful to put into a single post about this fic. How AG can create a Bella who is both fragile and one of the strongest female characters I’ve ever read (not unlike real Twilight Bella). How her Edward is beautiful, tender and eloquent in the same paragraph where the phrase “teenage hormonal motherfucker” is uttered. How she made me fall in love with all of the characters all over again in different ways. It’s a journey, and believe me, it’s well worth the ride.

Helpful WA links:

Favorite Wide Awake Quotes – My favorite quotes from Wide Awake

AngstGoddess003′s LJ Page – Home of Wide Awake

Wide Awake on FB – Trust me, you’re going to want to talk to someone about it.

AngstGoddess003 on Twitter

Wide Awake Outtakes – Do NOT miss the Edward Flashback

The Light and The Dark – Elizabeth Masen’s, Edward’s Mother’s, Story. I ALMOST forgive her.

And on a final note, any fanfic good enough to deserve a following dedicated enough that they make fanvids HAS to be worth reading, don’t you think?

Yea, I kind of want to forget I know that it exists too.

Anyway.

Fanfiction is a dangerous, wonderful and equally horrifying and entertaining world. While I’ve thrown myself into the crapshoot that is fanfic reading in various other fandoms, I did not harbor any wish to do so with the Twilight universe.

Two words changed that. Wide. Awake.

Wide Awake is everything good about fanfiction. I can (in fact, I will) write an entire post about how awesome Wide Awake is, but for now I’ll leave it at this. Despite the cast being all human, they are absolutely in character. Wide Awake also remains the ONLY fanfiction that I’ve read that has conjured the exact same emotions I felt while originally reading Twilight – right down to being unable to STOP reading until I was done.

It was all down hill from there. Since I started reading fanfic, I haven’t been able to stop. So, a few musings.

What I Don’t Like

I tend to not like a lot of fics that include vampires.  It’s difficult for me to let go of perfect canon (an absolute must if you’re going to venture into the fanfic world). Even the well written ones almost never get their powers right. It’s just not my bag, baby. But I won’t discourage you if it is yours. And believe me there are good vampire fics out there. Vampire in the Basement and If Love Could Light a Candle are both amazing and relatively in character.

I don’t like other than canon couplings. I just can’t dig it. Bella/Jasper, Edward/Rosalie, Jasper/Emmett – why? Part of what makes all of Stephenie Meyer’s characters so amazing is how they work in a couple dynamic. I’ve handled it from time to time when it leads to eventual canon coupling but it makes me feel squidgy.

Other things that make me groan: 1) Real actor fic. If I see Robert Pattinson in the character list I am totes out of there. I don’t want to see him pop up as a minor character either. 2) Edward being called Eddie or Alice being called Ali. No. Edward and Alice. This one pops up WAY too much.

What I Do Like

Lemons.  Lemons are fic code for sex. I haven’t seen this in any other genre so I’m going to assume this is limited to the Twilight fanfic world. I have yet to figure out why they call them lemons. Most of the scenes definitely aren’t sour, though they might go well with tequila. But all in all, I like a well done lemon. Edward and Bella’s love was so amazingly sensual in the books. When Edward first touched her cheek in Twilight, it was as titillating as any romance ravishment. But you have to admit, the base part of you is DYING to know what a fire that hot is like in between the sheets. Or on a desk. In an elevator.

Hottest lemons ever: The Office, It’s my fourth favorite fic and it is vampire-transformation hot, ANGRY, rough sex. I guarantee you that after reading even a single chapter you will jump your significant other.

Good banter – which, incidentally, The Office has in spades. I just adore a good fic where any of the characters, but especially Edward and Bella, engage in verbal fisticuffs.  See Trust in Advertising, and Mr. Horrible for great banter (off the top of my head).

Where to Start

My Top 5 Amazing Fics Everyone and Their Mother Should Read: Wide Awake, Mr. Horrible, Tropic of Virgo, The Office, Vampire In the Basement.

You can start where I started, AngstGoddess003′s FicRecs, the blog she co-sponsers, The Lazy Yes Discerning Ficster, usually has quality recs, The Eddie and Bellie Awards pick the cream of the crop in my ever humble opinion, or, last but not least, view my favorites on fanfiction.net (please note that not all of the fics I have favorited are quality fics – some of them I’m just dying of curiosity to find out how they’re going to get out of the hole they’ve painted themselves into. You have been warned.)