A Twi-Hater’s Take on Alice’s Fashion

After having an argument with a fellow Twi-Hard over Alice’s new wardrobe (I like it, she hates it), I decided to ask my brother his opinion. Long story short, my brother ended up with all the fashion genes (the asshat owns like a bazillion pairs of shoes – I literally own 2 pairs). The following conversation ensued:

Brother:  accidentally put her legwarmers (which were apparently knit by her grandmother, who dated picasso, in an attempt to make homemade digital camoflauge) on her hands, she is wearing a bodystocking for some reason, she stole her top off an art student from the sixties and then decided to cover up her emergency tracheotomy operation with the scarf of a recently vampirized (lol) woman….but it was okay cause she was going to die of leukemia anyway. But on the plus side, oooo swirlies on the notebook!

Me: That’s a present for Bella.

Bro: the notebook? Oh boy, I hope it’s roseart! they come with stickers!

Me: Nooo it’s not a notebook. It’s a finely wrapped gift.

Bro: (warning, incoming vibrator joke) Oh….yay, ‘mr. wiggles packed in a fashionable carton’ 4.7 inches, molded after ed!

Me: O.O

Bro: and then edward says “IN GIRTH, HOHOHOHO

Bro: and then rage bites some innocent civilian

Bro:you sooooo emo edddy

Me: (not quick with the punches tonight) Why would he be enraged?

Bro: CAUSE THEY JUST SAID HE HAD A SMALL WEINER Bro:zoom…enhance….zoom….enhance….zoom….enhance….zoom….enhance….yep he’s male.

Me: Oh, snap you just insulted Edward’s sparkling manhood.

Bro: oh wait, strong breeze. He’s a woman after all. That glue wasn’t so crazy I guess.