Edward Cullen is a Bad, Bad Boy – Not

Alright, so this has been irritating me for a while now. I keep seeing people refer to Edward Cullen as a classic bad boy. I’ve heard it from reviews, to magazine articles to blogs and frankly, I think it’s high time we reviewed the definition of the bad boy.

Jessica Barnes, of Cinematical.com, describes the soulful bad boy as “…the guy who won’t win any congeniality awards, but damn if his tortured and deep emotional side isn’t enough to make you put up with just about anything.” She goes on to cite Edward Cullen and the American Beauty kid. I don’t agree with either of them, but I don’t really care about American Beauty, so let’s get to the crux of the matter.

First, I think we should find a couple of appropriate cinema bad boys.

The Archetype: James Dean

The Classic: Romeo

The Modern Bad Boy: Sebastian

Romeo Redux: Tony

Alright, back to our main man, Edward Cullen and point number 1: congeniality. Edward is wa-hay too nice to be a bad boy. We’re talking chivalry and politeness to an extreme here. Edward was born in the time when ladies were demure and gentlemen took after Mr. Darcy and all his dandy friends. His momma brought him up to be polite, and polite he is. He speaks with an air of grace and civility. The only time you’ll hear a curse word slip from his lips is when the shiny, human shaped object of his affection is about to be turned into a Bella-pancake via minivan or a quick snack via hungry, sadistic vampire. He opens doors, pulls out chairs, helps Bella out of her jacket and exhibits an air of overall solicitousness.

Factor 2: prior badness. James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause kind of stumbles around accidentally landing in bad spots when all he really wants is a little parental attention. Romeo was a playboy gang member (Capulets and Montagues = Crips and Bloods) and Sebastian probably had slept his way through the entire Junior and senior year (and a couple of the teachers) whilst causing upper-crust mayhem. What was Edward doing prior to Bella’s arrival in Forks? Making straight-A’s and basically keeping to himself. Trouble? “Not a perfect Cullen,” muses Mrs. Cope as Edward tries to talk his way out of biology, pun absolutely intended. Oh, sure. Back in his vampire adolescence Edward killed a slew of humans, but that was in the 1920’s. I think there should be a statute of limitations on these types of things. Besides, they were rapists and murderers and thieves, Oh My!

The bad boys are just souls who’ve been misunderstood. It’s part of their charm – their irresistible allure – the want we girls inexplicably feel to ease their internal suffering. Edward and his family are not misunderstood for one simple reason: they are not trying to be understood. Unlike all of these other teenage dirtbags, they don’t have any interest in fitting in or gaining friends. They’re there just to put up a facade human enough that they can live in peace for 7 or so years at a time.

Bad boys are hated by cops, teachers and parents. What happened when Edward and Jacob nearly got into a fight on school grounds? The principle didn’t even think twice about Edward being the instigator, but not so for the imposing Indian on a motorcycle. Edwards parental figures are not absent or loathsome, as they are for those other boys. Instead he has not one set, but two sets of parents who doted on him. He’s clearly a favorite amongst the Cullen “kids”. Oh, sure Edward might not have been a favorite of the chief of police of Forks, but let’s face it, Charlie is missing a couple of key points.

It’s not that I don’t see where you’re coming from on the comparison. Edward does give off the bad boy VIBE. Deep emotional side? Certainly. Brooding angst face? Check. Inability to completely shed the bad boy ways so as to be with the girl he loves – uh, not applicable. James Dean left a couple of bodies in his wake, Romeo couldn’t keep his sword (or bullet) out of Tibault’s back and Sebastian’s attempt at reform left him bleeding out on the streets of New York. Edward and Bella? Total and utter devotion – their story ended with them continuing blissfully into their piece of forever. If Edward Cullen is a bad boy – well, I suppose we’ve finally found something he sucks at.

Pun absolutely intended.